PARODY: Extreme weather hits New Zealand…Aucklanders affected 0

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Extreme weather conditions have gripped the country today with below freezing temperatures paralysing the lives of people living in the lower South Island.

The knock on effect has hit the lives of Aucklanders with connections to the South Island.

“I’ve been trying to get on a flight to Queenstown all day to sign a multi-million dollar deal for my erectile dysfunction company, but Air New Zealand have told me they just can’t get one up” one businessman told Dan News.

Some Aucklanders we have spoken to were heartened by the support of their mainland friends helping them through the cold times.

“I spoke to one farmer in Southland who called me from a satellite phone on the top of a mountain range. His power and phone lines were down so he couldn’t use his iPhone. Knowing he was thinking of me in my cold Ponsonby apartment really made me feel special. We even opened another bottle of Pinot gris in honour of him.” Hope Chastity said.

Auckland Twitter users were in a frenzy when a hail storm crossed the city late this evening.

“Totes calling dis snow” said @MoorhouseForEvah.

The MetService has warned residents of the super city that temperatures could get so low over night that an additional shot of coffee could be needed in order to start work in the morning.

“What were are saying is there is a high chance that you may have an unpleasant morning. We want Aucklanders to take the appropriate precautions” Jeremy Corbett from the MetService told Dan News.

The Dan Newsroom has been flooded with calls from viewers of the evening news bulletins complaining that coverage of snow in Dunedin was excessive.

“I know they are cold, but they are all just students aren’t they? I mean I’ve just walked in the door, both my SUV’s will be frozen over in the morning and my heat pumps are really going to eat in to my carbon footprint” one caller from Grey Lynn said.

At this stage no schools have been cancelled, but the AGM for Telecom in the viaduct has been delayed by an hour due to a delayed shipment of wine from Queenstown.

– Dan News

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